AUBURN HILLS — At a late holiday fancy pants party at Fiat’s home, it was announced that Fiat was taking Chrysler in. After some time in a government orphanage and debtor’s prison, Chrysler has finally found a home.
“Blimey! I’m so chuffed ter live in a noice ‘ome with a warm fire, guv’nor. Lots of coal makin’ lots of heat. Isn’t it loverly?”
DETROIT — GM posted a profit of $865 million in the first quarter, its first quarterly profits since 2007, and then promptly lost the money gambling at the Motor City casino near downtown Detroit.
IRVING — ExxonMobil, the Irving, Texas-based company, posted the largest corporate profits in U.S. history. Its earnings of $39.5 billion for 2006 on revenues of $377.6 billion exceed the previous record of $36.13 billion in 2005, also posted by ExxonMobil.
“If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.”
—Henry Ford
DEARBORN — Ford announced recently that it had losses of $12.7 billion for 2006, its largest loss in history (although still far below GM’s 1992 losses of $23.5 billion).
“The average human has about one breast and one testicle.”
–From Statistics 101
(If you’re one of my anal-retentive engineer friends, please don’t e-mail me about that last quote. I know that men technically have breasts as well, even if they’re not the pert, firm type—unless we’re talking about Ricardo Montalbán’s. The statement is meant to be humorous—you know, like a joke.)
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