“If you’re not getting older, you’re dead.”
—Tom Petty


Go, please.


Go already!

The light is green—GO! Move it! Light a fire up your exhaust!

In our reality, green actually means GO! (In drag racing, Green means Gone!)

Do not stop and smell the roses, do not wait for Godot, do not wait for a girl like you!

Go across the intersection, young man! Or old woman! Or whoever it is at the front of the line. Go!

This is not a parade!

I’ve been sitting here for half an eternity! In New York City, half the cars on the street would be giving you a honking symphony right now. And the other half would be gesturing inappropriately.

(Since you’re in Michigan, someone may eventually give you a little, “toot.”)


What are you waiting for? You will not get a personal invitation from the traffic light fairy. You do not need to ask, “Mother, may I?” A boy scout will not help you cross the intersection.

Let’s go! Time is fleeting! Madness takes its toll!

Please, please, please, go already! I’m pretty sure I qualified for AARP membership during the time I’ve waited. Let’s go before I have to send my kids through college!





I bought this game just to take this picture. Yes, I’m an idiot.

Go! Pass Go!

Crankiness Rating: 11 out of 11 (This needs to be cranked up to 12.)